Is it normal to forget????
Two weeks ago I was driving down the highway on my way home from work with a huge grin on my face. Earlier that day my husband had made a BIG decision and had sent an email to our extended family with the news. As I left my office and headed home I found myself smiling – thinking ahead to hearing my dad’s voice as he would surely call to hear more details and to say “congratulations” and “I’m so proud of you” to his favorite son-in-law.
As I excited the highway, I was roll-playing a conversation with Tom – suggesting that he call my dad…knowing that if he hadn’t called Tom yet, that would mean that he hadn’t seen the email and would want the news right away.
That’s when it hit me…my dad…he’s no longer here. WAIT…WHAT???
There would be no phone call asking for more info and offering congratulations, no insistence on a “Yahoo” dinner out to celebrate, and more importantly, there would be no famous “Lynn Grin” when we saw him next. It was the first “big thing” my dad wasn’t here for, and while that was hard to accept, I was shocked that it took me two exits on the highway to realize that he wasn’t around for the news.
Grief – it’s a really weird thing….something that I’m often surprised at and definitely still wading through. Some days I still wake up and think, “Huh…my heart hurts…what’s the deal?”…and then I remember. And then, later the same week, I’ll wake up happy and won’t think about it until I see or hear something that makes me think of him…and then I either smile or burst into tears.
I’m not sure what’s harder…the “little” things or the “big” ones.
The “little” things like calling my parents’ house and not having him answer to say “It’s about time I heard from you…it’s been FOREVER” (when it may have been hours!)…or the “big” things like finding some old voice mails on my phone that I KNOW will have his voice on them (and I haven’t had the courage to listen to again). “Little” things like still expecting him to be standing in the front door watching me drive off from their house… or “big” thing like having news you can’t wait to share until you realize he isn’t here to hear it. “Little” things like knowing how excited he would be over seeing his great-granddaughter sit up or army crawl across the room…or big things like bragging on his two grandchildren that moved or put an offer on their first house recently. “Little” things like knowing he will never again call to remind me of my civic duty to VOTE…or “big” things like knowing I’ll never again be hugged like he hugged me.
Actually – the hard part is realizing that there are no “little” things. I’m missing sharing life with my dad. I still haven’t figured out what him not being here looks like…and I’m sure that “forgetting” two weeks ago (that he wasn’t here) will not be the last time that happens.
And that news that my dad would have been SOOOOOO completely thrilled over… A new job for my man! Two weeks ago Tom gave his notice to his (then) employer and tomorrow morning at 8:00am he starts his new job with a company he’s EXCITED about. We are praising God for this new opportunity for Tom and that it involves sweet friends of ours.
So… Hello “J. Parker Custom Homes”! Jim Lynn, if he was here, would want you to know that you are getting an AMAZING man/employee in Tom Eubanks!
And Tom –I’m so thankful that YOUR dad is still here and SUPER proud of you and cheering you on! I love that you know mine would be as well! Jim Lynn sure loved you a LOT! (#metoo) 🙂